Thursday, January 16, 2014

Why I’m Only Kind of an Idiot, Now

Our tenth-grade English teacher offered extra credit to students who made a video based on the dystopian novel we were reading. I don’t remember which book. HollaAtYoBoy, Zeke, TaxiSide and I also procrastinated until the final weekend. Can you tell I needed that extra credit?

During our planning session that Saturday, while playing football in the snow, I backed out of our video. We would have to record the following day, on NFL Championship Sunday, with the games playing in the background. Having a blast with my best friends and improving my grade fell below in priority to watching the NFC and AFC Championships uninterrupted. As I watched the St. Louis Rams and Tennessee Titans advance to the Super Bowl, my friends recorded a video mostly demonstrating that I was an idiot and somewhat addressing themes from the book.

Benjy’s all growns up, now (sort of).

My December speech at George Mason University for a sorority leadership council got rescheduled due to snow. My speech coordinator, Mrs. Sunshine, emailed me, “I hope this new time works with the football schedule. If you’re not available then I understand.”

The speech will take place on Championship Sunday during the Patriots-Broncos game. “There’s no way I would speak at her workshop during the championship games, and she’s my wife,” my friend, Mr. Sunshine, said.

I’m turning off my phone and radio to avoid spoilers, and telling the sorority girls not to utter one score update. After speaking, I’m driving to my parents’ house just so I have someone to rewind the game recordings for me and I won’t catch a glimpse of the scores. My dad will record both games and the subsequent programming in case they go into overtime.

If Suzanne Collins calls Sunday afternoon asking to use my character for Katniss’ secret lover in her next dystopian series then she and Jennifer Lawrence will have to wait about seven hours.