Sunday, April 29, 2007

Spank Bank

Jessica AlbaI’m not claiming to be a lady’s man in any shape or form. When it comes to girls I’m about as worthless as it gets. Nevertheless, I find female presence absolutely necessary for young men, even if they’re just to look at.

During my two-month hospital stay, some of the days I was too fucked-up to think about girls. If Jessica Alba had walked into my room ready to bump uglies I’d probably have told her to leave me alone. “Try the dude next door. He’s like 14, he might want to.”

But many of my hospital days I thought about girls more than anything else, with the exception of food. Sometimes I’d look out my window hoping to get a long-distance glimpse of a girl walking by. Weird fantasies would enter my head, like a strong gust of wind hitting a girl in a miniskirt.

The only humans I saw each day were my family, doctors and nurses. Bingo. Besides modeling, you won’t find a profession with more hot girls than nursing. I’ve had tons of nurses over the years. Many were attractive. Some were among the hottest women I’ve ever seen.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I became a sexual deviant, but those countless days in the hospital did pervert me just a tad. I got angry if a male nurse took the shift normally designated for one of my hotties. I ranked my nurses, both in total hotness, and in categories such as “Nicest Ass.”

One night I dreamt that my #1 hottie entered my room, and without saying a word, took her clothes off and slid beneath the sheets with me. The dream was so real that over the next couple nights I expected her to do just that. I began praying for it. Obviously I was disappointed.

At night sometimes my nurses would enter my room while I was awake. When they turned around I would quickly take a mental picture for later use. It’s a shame there isn’t a “Tivo for real life” because I would leave that on pause forever. I didn’t want to get caught staring at their butts, so I rushed myself. The pictures still did their job, though.

That brings me to my next point. The human body has a way of taking care of business, whether you want to or not. And honestly, for weeks I didn’t want to. But when I got my first wet dream in years I knew something needed to be done.

The hospital isn’t exactly the easiest setting to clean the pipes. At night the nurses don’t knock because they don’t want to wake the patient. Based on your meds schedule and your next blood pressure check, you can find your best opportunity to use those mental pictures.

I prayed hard for my #1 hottie to get naked, but I prayed a fuckload harder for her not to catch me.

Keep reading:
Spank Bank: Part II


Duane said...

Excellent post, Ben! Just Excellent! I can definitely relate. When I received my transplant in the hospital and was thinking about my mortality, I surely thought about the beauty of women and the beautiful nurses, whom I befriended, boosted my spirits many times.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic with us!


Anonymous said...

you sure you weren't thinking about me? hugs and kisses,