Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Danger of Flip-Flops

One late afternoon toward the end of my sophomore year of high school, as I reached the outer edge of the lobby, I got a whiff of a familiar odor. I spotted Zeke and walked toward him. With each step, the smell grew stronger until I finally realized it was Zeke’s nasty feet.

“Dude?” I said with a confused look on my face.

He nodded and smiled like an idiot. Once we got in my car I said, “What the fuck, man? I could smell your stinky-ass feet from 100 feet away.”

“I know,” he said. “It’s been bad all day.”

“That’s beyond bad. I can’t even breathe over here…oh, this is horrible. I’m not driving you home unless you ride with your feet out the window.”

“If that’s what you want.”

The wind swept the putrid odor back into the car and infested the once perfectly-good oxygen. Zeke bought a bottle of air freshener and sprayed it on his feet. Now, he smelled like cinnamon potpourri mixed with an old, sweaty gym bag. When we reached his house he left his sandals upstairs while we played video games in his basement. He still stunk, but it was bearable.


Raine said...

My cousin used to wear Italian Supergas without socks. It was gross.

Benjamin Rubenstein said...

I had to look those up, those sweat-trapping disasters. Adolescent males should be prohibited from wearing those. Zeke, in particular, should be jailed for trying them on.

Anavar said...

How can sandals smell so bad? For snickers that are all closed it is logical to stink if your feet sweat, but opened sandals? He must have some kind a condition.

Anonymous said...

So I feel like I need to defend myself. I had played tennis in gym without socks on. I then took my feet out of my tennis shoes and put sandals back on. I'd venture to say no ones' feet smell like roses after that.


Benjamin Rubenstein said...

They shouldn't smell like roses, but they also shouldn't smell like death. The U.S. military should trap your and HollaAtYoBoy's feet odor for a potential chemical weapon.