Monday, May 31, 2010

Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur May

John McCain

It is hysterical what politicians will say in front of cameras, none funnier than Senator McCain. He mixed up Iraq and Afghanistan, Sunnis and Shiites, Somalia and Sudan, and the Packers and Steelers. He said Putin was the president of Germany and miscounted the number of American troops in Iraq by 20,000. He has referred to Czechoslovakia, which was divided into two countries 17 years ago.

I still crack up when I watch the YouTube video of him saying, "And you know, I couldn't agree with them more. I couldn't disagree with you. I couldn't agree with you more with the fact..."

McCain referred to Obama as "That one" when he couldn't remember his name.

He referred to Americans as "my fellow prisoners."

Economics is not something he understands well...according to himself. And he thinks the fundamentals of our economy are strong.

McCain couldn't remember how many houses he owned, and referred the questioner to his staff.

His slip-ups only get better: "Rates were cunt in the Bush years."

"Sure. Technically, I don't know."

"I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon, getting on myself. I don't expect to be a great communicator, I don't expect to set up my own blog, but I am becoming computer literate."

"I will veto every single beer, um, bill with earmarks."

"We should be able to deliver bottled hot water to dehydrated babies."

"It's not social issues I care about."

"The French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."

"At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt."

"Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father."

And the best of all: "I think [Palin is] most qualified of any that has run recently for vice president, tell you the truth."

I am an equal-opportunity politician basher, and would probably prefer to rip Biden instead of McCain, but Biden is not a cancer survivor. In 1993, Senator McCain developed melanoma—the rarest and deadliest form of skin cancer. During his presidential run in 2000 two new melanomas were detected and removed. He has been cancer-free for many years.

We all know McCain possesses an enviable desire to live, to say the least. In truth, he has some highly intelligent policy ideas, as well. It is sad that his medical history and experience as a POW were used against him in his bid to be president. Even Matt Damon, who I love, referred to his cancer when he said that statistically there was at least a 33% chance McCain would die in office and Palin would take over.

On this Memorial Day, we pay tribute to those who died serving our country. And I also tip my hat to John McCain. We can only hope that his quotes get exponentially better as he further approaches senility.
John McCain tongue out behind Barack Obama