I apologize for not blogging lately. Without more practice, I am afraid that my blogging skills will greatly decline and I am considering taking PEDs (Performance-Enhancing Drugs) to provide a boost. I am entering my prime blogging years, and I can’t let them be wasted because of a lack of time. Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco can probably help me out. Let’s just keep the injections away from my anus.

I have moved from Chantilly to a condo in bustling South Arlington, less than three miles from the trendy—and pricey—Ballston area, and less than two miles from Shirlington. Aside from the ruckus of moving, I have also been trying to save money and “share” internet from a non-encrypted source. However, the signal is wretched.

I then went door-to-door asking if my barely-English-speaking neighbors wanted to share the cost of wireless internet, but it turns out that’s not so easy post-college. After one woman appeared ready to report me to management, I called Comcast like I always did back in college and asked for their latest promotions. I told them I would switch to Fios if they couldn’t provide affordable service. Years back I had finagled Starz, Showtime, and HBO for negative $44. Two days ago I somehow secured internet for $7.

I am very excited to be living in Arlington. I take public transportation the entire trip to and from work. I have canceled my XM Radio subscription because my car does not move often from the parking lot. I have reduced my commute from 2:30 per day to 1:30 or less.

Everything is close and there is so much to do—Cinema N Drafthouse down the street, a Skeeball league that I joined (seriously), The Original Pancake House (best breakfast place ever), and countless ethnic eateries, including many mouthwatering “Pollo a la Brasas.”

My roommate, Millennium, and I are minorities in our building—whites may even be the third or fourth largest group. Millennium said, “This is the most diverse part of the world,” and he may have a point with some notable exceptions like New York City, Chicago, and some west coast cities.

I have learned not to drive to the gym until at least 7:30 p.m., even though it is just a few miles away. Roads like Leesburg Pike and Columbia Pike put those around Chantilly to shame (30-40 minutes to drive 3 miles, for example). I had paid for a membership to Fitness First through January, at which point I will have to make a critical decision. My condo has a small gym, but my hip is limited on the types of cardiovascular exercise it can perform, and the gym does not have an upright exercise bike. I can buy one for my apartment, purchase an outdoor bike, or become a member of the Arlington gym just down the street for under $200/year. Surely, Lance Armstrong must have a program to provide free exercise bikes to cancer survivors, right?

Millennium and I provided a mishmash of items for our apartment—two couches, a rug, and a La-Z-Boy that don’t particularly match. There is a bar and a coffee table, but no kitchen table or chairs. Our collection of dishes derives from three or four different sets. Our potential female guests will be repulsed.

Our male guests, however, will not be. Through the course of two Hanukkahs and two birthdays, my generous parents and brother have contributed to a 50” plasma television, a five-speaker surround set, a Blu-ray player that connects wirelessly to the internet and can stream Netflix movies, and an audio/video receiver that up-converts all sources to full high definition. This is not the old 32” television Mr. Mountain Dew and I used throughout college.

Finally, I will try to make this blog more interactive and current. Many people enjoyed old stories of me pooping myself, for example, but based on other popular blogs such as Dooce and redacted, it seems readers prefer to read about our current lives. Unlike archaic Major League Baseball, I will try to evolve with the times. To begin this effort I have added a poll on the right panel toward the top of this blog. Please vote (only once, please) if you get a chance.

Peace, I’m outta here!
ruBENstein