Saturday, September 6, 2008

Ode to College Football

The Virginia Cavalier football team lost last week
I was there
They played maybe the best team in the country, USC
So I didn't care

I expected them to lose by 40 points
Keeping it to within 20 would've been a moral victory
They lost by 45
This may be the worst UVA team in history

Maybe I'm speaking too soon
I like the quarterback, who looks like a boy
I like the runningbacks, too
If Hamburgers and I suited up then we'd destroy

We'd still need to put on 100 pounds
And drop about 15 seconds in the 40-yard dash
And be able to bench press a bear
But that's neither here nor there

The Virginia Tech Hokies also lost last week
To a solid ECU team
They had less than 250 yards of total offense
Not a good performance

My brother was a Hokie, I used to love Tech
Michael Vick was spectacular to watch
An amazing athlete and oh so cool
He brought recognition and glory to his entire school

Then Tech joined the ACC and immediately won the conference title
The next year they crushed UVA in Charlottesville, I was there
And the fans gloat and talk Ohio State-caliber shit
Now I despise them as much as Vick hates Pits

Tech's quarterback, Glennon, isn't very good
They expect the backup, Tyrod Taylor, to be the savior
News flash: he has terrible accuracy, can't get the ball to his peers
Prediction: Tech will be on a downturn for the next three years

The Southeastern Conference is too strong for its own good
The teams will clobber each other and will all lose at least once
USC will beat Oklahoma in the National Championship
Unless Hamburgers and I had played the whole season, Coach Groh is such a dunce