Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Road Trippin': A Picture Story

"If it's possible for a car not to have an amenity, then mine doesn't," I said to my lone compadre, T2theZ. I had to see Dr. Andre Million in Minneapolis for my five-year transplant anniversary. There's no better way to do it than travel the country and see baseball games, even if your car doesn't have power windows, cruise control or even mirrors on the visors.

We kicked off our trip with an appetizer, a quick hop on the Metro to the brand-new Nationals Park. I won't say it's as nice as Camden Yards, but it gets damn close.Washington Nationals stadium
Washington Nationals stadium
The high-definition scoreboard is over 100 feet long.Washington Nationals stadium

If you think that's a good mowing job then you should check out my lawn.Washington Nationals stadium
Poor Teddy Roosevelt never wins the presidents race.Presidents Race at Washington Nationals stadium

Nice view of the Capitol.
Capitol Building seen from Nationals Park
It's sad that nobody shows up. If only the Nationals were better, or if the whole roster was a bunch of Ryan Zimmermans.Sparse crowd at Washington Nationals Park
Whoever said Pittsburgh was a dirty city?Pittsburgh skyline
This isn't even half the bridges.Pittsburgh view of bridges
Ah, the big ketchup bottle.Pittsburgh Steelers Heinz Field
I fucking hate snakes.Snake outside Pittsburgh
Again, stadiums don't get much nicer than this.Pittsburgh PNC Park
Again, stadiums don't get much emptier than this.Pittsburgh PNC Park
You call that a mascot?Pittsburgh Pirates mascot
Instead of the presidents race, the Pirates have a pierogies race.Pittsburgh Pirates pierogies race
I called three teams' public affairs departments and told them about our five-year cancer-free road trip. "So, how about free tickets?" Only the good people at the Pittsburgh Pirates hooked us up, with great seats, too. Big Prince Fielder takes up a lot of horizontal space.Prince Fielder batting
After an hour of sleep, I started driving to Minneapolis at 3:00 AM. The NOS I drank helped. It's liquid crack.NOS energy drink
Too bad the new Minnesota Twins stadium isn't built, yet. T2theZ and I will have to come back in a few years. The Metrodome is a dump compared to the marvels in D.C. and Pittsburgh. Check out the monstrous scoreboard. My friend who works for the Twins really hooked us up with great seats.Minnesota Twins Metrodome
I sure love Minneapolis.Minneapolis skyline

What the shit are these?Minneapolis strange architecture Minneapolis strange architecture
Mall of America is the largest retail complex in the U.S. And it has an indoor amusement park with roller coasters.Mall of America indoor roller coasterMall of America indoor roller coaster
The dinosaurs are built out of Legos. I doubt they took very long to build.Mall of America Lego dinosoar
Mario Lopez was having a book signing for Knockout Fitness. T2theZ wanted Mario to sign his bare chest (or cock), but he would've had to buy the book first. T2theZ is still disappointed he didn't purchase it. I wanted to yell, "Where's Zack Morris?" but chickened out. A.C. Slater is so dreamy.Mario Lopez autographing Knockout Fitness
Chicago: What a fucking skyline, and city.Chicago skyline
The temperature was in the 40s for the White Sox game. T2theZ got his usual beer and a dog. I bought a hot chocolate. I win.Chicago White Sox stadium U.S. Cellular Field scoreboard homerun lights
In the bottom of the 9th with one out, two men on base and losing 3-1, Jim Thome and Joe Crede of the Sox each struck out swinging. That didn't stop them from shooting fireworks.Chicago White Sox fireworks
The most important part of our entire trip was eating Chicago pizza. We went to Giordano's after the game. It was heaven in a greasy, heart-clogging pie. I am salivating as I type this. I was so disappointed that I could only finish one piece. I expect to mail order a pizza sometime this summer.Giordano's deep dish pizza
Nice view from the Sears Tower - the tallest building in the U.S.Chicago skyline from Sears Tower Chicago's Sears Tower
What the bloody hell is this?Chicago strange architecture
Our only sellout was in Cleveland.Cleveland Indians stadium
Sgt. Slaughter was signing autographs after the game. Without proof I wouldn't believe it myself.Wrestler Sergeant Slaughter
Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio: the best amusement park in the world. I couldn't believe there wasn't a ride dedicated to Tommy Boy's Callahan Auto. Magnum XL-200 is the fourth tallest coaster in the park.Cedar Point's Magnum XL-200
Maverick has a 95 degree drop (steeper than straight down) and "goes upside down 8 different ways," whatever that means.Cedar Point's Maverick

The girl in front of us was so scared that she left the line after waiting 1.5 hours to ride Millennium Force. I wasn't too far behind. When we began the 310-foot ascent I nearly pooped myself.Cedar Point's Millennium Force
Top Thrill Dragster debuted in 2003 as the tallest and fastest coaster in the world - 420 feet tall, 120 mph. It was the funnest 17 seconds of my life.Cedar Point's Top Thrill Dragster
Even funner than if I had relations with Kelly Kapowski, which would last far shorter than 17 seconds.Saved By the Bell's Kelly Kapowski

No road trip would be official without a stop at McDonald's. We happened to stop at the Big Mac Museum Restaurant in Huntingdon, Pennsylvania. With plasma screens, hot cashier girls, the largest Big Mac in the world and a double drive-thru, it was the nicest McDonald's I've been to.Huntington, Pennsylvania McDonald's Big Mac Museum Huntington, Pennsylvania McDonald's Big Mac MuseumHuntington, Pennsylvania McDonald's Big Mac MuseumHuntington, Pennsylvania McDonald's Big Mac Museum
The perils of a 2,000-mile road trip.Bird poop on Chevrolet Cavalier
Keep reading:
Road Trippin': The Lost Stories and Photo


Jonathan Rubenstein said...

I'm dissapointed I could not take the time to go on this trip. One day we will have to do a massive one with even more parks (and Giardono's pizza)!

jennrubenstein said...

real chicago pizza!!! yum. did you know that kenny got an internship for this summer working at the mlb station on xm?!

Michelle said...

Amazing photos dude! Thanks for sharing your road trip with us!

.. said...

wow, those photos are awesome. i really liked the one of minneapolis; it kind of reminds me of downtown vancouver.