Read these first:
T Minus Four Days
T Minus Two Days
Cancer Freedom in Every Way

As part of my five-year cancer-free celebration, I attended the drunken debauchery known as the Foxfield Races in Charlottesville. Unfortunately, this year I didn’t get to see anybody passed out on the ground, but I did see girls squatting to pee. Some squatted and faced toward instead of away from people. Those were the special* ones.
*completely sloshed

The piss troughs are where the real excitement is. I’ve never had the opportunity to witness guys do trough slides—frolicking through a shallow pool of urine collected from hundreds of dudes’ johnsons. Last year a guy dropped his sunglasses in the massive urinal while he was pissing. Everyone started chanting, “PUT THEM ON! PUT THEM ON!” Sure enough, he reached into the piss, grabbed his sunglasses and put them right back on his head. Don’t worry – urine is sterile and good for the skin.

The good people at CancerFreeTees.com also contributed to the celebration by sending me one of their t-shirts. I should’ve worn it to Foxfield. It would’ve been one hell of a conversation starter.
Better yet, maybe I should’ve worn a Bob Saget shirt.