The value of this story lies solely in the fact that it includes Zim, the 4th overall pick in the 2005 MLB draft. We lived in the same hall our first year of college. It should be noted that the 4th overal pick in the 2006 NFL draft also lived in our dorm. We nodded to each other from time to time.

One of my Hanukkah gifts that year was Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2003 for PlayStation 2, which became a huge hit on my hall. For some reason I had more skill at T-Woods than anything I’d ever done. I was simply amazing and never lost. My hallmate, SanFranCrazy, got into the game more than anybody, and even created a player ranking system. Of course, I was number one.

One night SanFranCrazy organized a huge tournament to determine the true Tiger Woods champion. We had eight players playing in two separate heats, with the four winners playing in the championship round. SanFranCrazy held the tournament in his dorm room, and even designed stadium seating so that spectators could watch.

I was the favorite to win the tournament by a long shot, but the three players in my heat each played the best Tiger Woods of their lives. I was in a dogfight. Dirty-D was leading after the first five holes, which was amazing since he sucked. When he dropped off, Zim, Balla and I were in a tight race. As the 18th hole approached I was one stroke behind. I would need an eagle to tie them, thus sending it into overtime.

When it was time for my 40 foot putt for eagle, we intently stared at the TV screen waiting for the “caddy tip” to show. “What the fuck’s taking so long?” I asked.

“Oh shit, they’re gonna fuck you!” SanFranCrazy yelled.

He was right. I became outraged as the caddy tip read “unavailable,” which occurs approximately 5% of the time.

“This is fucking ridiculous, the game cheated me! There’s no way to make a 40 foot putt without a caddy tip.”

“Benjy, I think it’s time you take your seat next to me as a spectator,” Dirty-D said.

I hit the ball as best I could, but missed by six feet. I couldn’t believe that I had been dethroned in the biggest tournament of the year. Zim won and took my spot as the number one T-Woods player, even though that was my very first loss. I took my frustrations out on SanFranCrazy by saying, “If Tiger Woods loses one or two majors, does he lose his number one world ranking? Hell no.”

After the tournament we all went home for winter break. My health took a turn for the worse the following semester, and everyone else seemed to lose interst.

I'm still waiting for my rematch.